News from the Future: Gay Mergers Approved!
| By CJ - Jan 25th, 2010 at 4:37 pm PST |
Washington DC, January 25, 2013 – In a ruling that has shaken the business world, the Supreme Court today ruled 5-4 to legalize same-sex corporate mergers. The ruling grants gay businesses equal rights to merge under law, whether the transactions are hostile, leveraged, or friendly.
In writing his opinion for the court, Justice Anthony Kennedy asserted that “this is fundamentally a matter of equality. Under the Constitution, corporations are entitled to equal protection in speech, political contributions, and legal partnerships, unlike gay humans.”
Constitutional law experts say the decision has far-reaching implications. It represents a hard-won victory for corporations that claim they’ve seen their profit margins suffer, their global competiveness hobbled, and their ability to peddle influence unfairly curtailed for being gay. “For years we have endured shame and discrimination based on our corporate orientation, but no longer,” said Scott Boilen, president and CEO of Allstar Products Group, maker of the Snuggie.
Opponents of same-sex mergers have questioned the prudence of exposing impressionable young startups to the influence of gay multinationals. In a statement released after the decision, Focus on the Family Founder James Dobson said, “The messages this sends is that companies are flaunting the morals of God and the rules of common decency in the pursuit of their gay agenda.“
A coalition of religious and conservative groups, led by the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops, immediately announced a campaign to pass a constitutional ban on same-sex mergers. “Protecting mergers in this way will benefit small businesses, large conglomerates, and the common good of society itself.” The coalition also predicted an upcoming fight over the teaching of gay mergers in business schools.
In writing his opinion for the court, Justice Anthony Kennedy asserted that “this is fundamentally a matter of equality. Under the Constitution, corporations are entitled to equal protection in speech, political contributions, and legal partnerships, unlike gay humans.”
Constitutional law experts say the decision has far-reaching implications. It represents a hard-won victory for corporations that claim they’ve seen their profit margins suffer, their global competiveness hobbled, and their ability to peddle influence unfairly curtailed for being gay. “For years we have endured shame and discrimination based on our corporate orientation, but no longer,” said Scott Boilen, president and CEO of Allstar Products Group, maker of the Snuggie.
Opponents of same-sex mergers have questioned the prudence of exposing impressionable young startups to the influence of gay multinationals. In a statement released after the decision, Focus on the Family Founder James Dobson said, “The messages this sends is that companies are flaunting the morals of God and the rules of common decency in the pursuit of their gay agenda.“
A coalition of religious and conservative groups, led by the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops, immediately announced a campaign to pass a constitutional ban on same-sex mergers. “Protecting mergers in this way will benefit small businesses, large conglomerates, and the common good of society itself.” The coalition also predicted an upcoming fight over the teaching of gay mergers in business schools.
